Three weeks. That's it. Just three weeks left at most until baby girl is here.
(Interesting fact about these photos: Neither the shirt or the dress pictured above are maternity clothes, just some regular clothes that happen to double well as maternity. I could NOT wear these clothes this late in the game when I was pregnant with Grady. Based on that and also on how much more this baby has room to move around than Grady did, it seems like I have a smaller baby this time. This is fantastic news, considering Grady weighed more than 9 pounds. Woo-hoo! Let's hope! P.s. If it looks weird to you that I am not looking at the camera...I'll be honest...I get puffy pregnant face and I would rather not document it.)
I have been in a complete panic as of late, realizing how little time I have. I like to be prepared. Really, really prepared, as much as possible. In all situations, I try to think ahead and anticipate potential problems or situations that may arise and plan for them in advance. So of course I have this huge pre-baby to-do list that I made months ago. I have been frantically trying to get through, feeling like there is no way I can have everything done in time.
Grady was induced at 41 weeks, so I told my mom it was okay if she came a day or two after my due date. I assumed I had plenty of time, but now I'm not so sure. I have gestational diabetes this time around and the doctors don't really want me to go past my due date. Over the past few weeks I've started to get the feeling that she is going to come early (which could be totally wrong, of course). This has terrified me. Matthew will be right in the midst of midterms and I am panic-stricken at the thought of being home alone with a baby and a toddler and a body still recovering from birth.
Over the last few weeks, as I studied my scriptures, a few things hit me pretty hard. I was reading in the Book of Mormon in 1 Nephi 17 last week. Talking about the experience of his family having to travel through the wilderness for eight years, Nephi says:
"And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness.
And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings.
And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness."
I find great comfort in this scripture. If the Lord helped these women have the strength to bear and feed babies in the wilderness, while enduring many hardships, surely he cares enough to help me. I feel that we have been commanded of God to have this baby join our family and, as the last verse says, He will always provide a way for us to do what He has commanded us to do, so long as we are obedient.
Then yesterday I was met with this passage from Isaiah:
"But, behold, Zion hath said: The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me—but he will show that he hath not."
I had kind of a "duh" moment. The Lord has never left me on my own. He has always provided a way for things to work out, usually a way better than I had thought of on my own. He is not going to leave me alone now.
Last night I went to get my hair cut, one of the things on my to-do list. My hairdresser asked me if I felt so ready for the baby to come. I told her how NOT ready I felt and how I just have so much to do. She asked me what I still have to do. I thought about it for a minute, picturing my list in my mind, and I realized, feeling a little dumbfounded, that there is nothing else I need to do. Though there are still plenty of things to do on my list, they are all things that Matthew or my mom could do for me if I don't get them done in time.
And then it was like something just sort of clicked in my brain. I went home feeling so light, so at peace. I have been terrified and wanting this baby to stay where she is for so long, but suddenly I feel completely okay with her coming anytime--even now if she wants to. (I told Matthew this and he was in complete shock...haha) I can still do more, but I am prepared enough and everything is going to be okay. For now I want to let go of those things a little bit and focus on spending special time with Grady in our last few weeks alone together. I am ready to turn it all over to the Lord and just trust Him. And it feels so good!